Losing your virginity ‒ or rather devirginization, because you're actually not losing anything and just living a new experience ‒ has a lot of physical and emotional implications. And because sex is a normal part of every woman's and every human being's life, we believe that discussions about starting a sex life should not be taboo or avoided. It is important to be informed.

From the first intimate contact, there is a risk of pregnancy and contact with sexually transmitted diseases. Consent and making sure you're ready are two other things you need to know before you start your sex life. So we put all the myths and prejudices aside to talk openly about everything related to virginity and first sexual contact.

What is virginity?

Virginity is a unicorn, we said in a previous article on the Enroush blog, where we talked extensively about virginity and which we kindly invite you to read HERE .

At its core, virginity is about sex—sexual experience, to be exact. Just as sex can mean different things to different people, virginity is also associated with multiple meanings. It is difficult to define something that is so subjective and based on social concepts. What is virginity after all?

In some cultures, it is associated with purity and morality. And yet, there is nothing immoral about having sex – sexual activity is a natural and healthy part of life. Other definitions tell us that virginity ends with the introduction of the penis into the vagina and the breaking of the hymen. But we cannot put the equal sign between virginity and hymen, this is not even an indicator of virginity, and the approach does not take into account anal or oral sex, nor other types of intimate contact (for example between people of the same sex).

So how can we define virginity objectively without associating it with morality, an organ, or our own opinions? It's simple: we don't do it!

Virginity means lack of sexual experience, but how relevant is this? When you had or will have your first sexual contact is strictly your business and does not change your integrity in any way. When you start your sex life matters to you, because you are the one who bears the physical and psychological impact. To those around, it shouldn't matter, so the whole concept kind of loses its meaning.

Virginity of girls

Although not medically correct, girls' virginity has long been - and still is - associated with an intact hymen. If the hymen is no longer intact, it is considered that the girl is no longer a virgin. Something that is not entirely correct.

Indeed, the hymen can be perforated, widened or "ruptured" following vaginal penetration during the first sexual intercourse. But it can also get punctured after using an internal tampon, doing intense workouts, or simply doing mundane activities like riding a bike. They are things that have absolutely no sexual connotation, so the mere modification of the hymen cannot be a criterion for virginity.

At the same time, it is possible that the hymen does not break from the first vaginal sexual contact, but only at the second or third. In the case of other types of sex, it may remain intact. In such situations, the sexual experience exists even if the hymen does not undergo changes - so, again, this is not an indicator of virginity.

But still, what is the hymen and where did this antiquated idea of it being a marker of virginity come from? Let's see…

Hymen - What is it? Types

To better understand what the hymen is, let's first see how it is formed. This thin tissue, which is inside the vagina, close to the external opening, is actually formed during intrauterine life.

Before the (female) fetus develops, the vagina has not yet formed its opening to the outside. It is separated from the urogenital organs and closed by a membrane. As the pregnancy progresses and the baby develops, a hole is created in this membrane, which will continue to grow in size each year of life and will become elastic at puberty. This membrane is, in short, the hymen.

Just as all vulvas are different, so is each hymen unique. There are many types of hymen, depending on appearance and elasticity, all different and all normal:

• Annular (crescent-shaped): It is considered the most common, which surrounds the vaginal opening like a ring and, as it expands, begins to resemble a crescent.

• Cribriform: is a hymen with many small holes.

• Microperforated: almost completely covers the vaginal opening, except for a very small opening.

• Septate: This is rare, when the hymen has an extra portion of tissue so there will be two openings, not just one.

• Unperforated: it is very rare, about 1-2 cases out of 1,000, when the hymen is truly "intact" and completely covers the vaginal opening. This makes it much harder or even prevents menstrual blood to be shed, so surgery may be necessary if it doesn't break naturally at puberty due to estrogen production.

We have another article on the blog where we talk more about what the hymen is , but what you have to remember is that usually the hymen is not completely closed, and little girls are born with a hymen that already has one or more holes through which it will be eliminated menstrual blood.

Boys' virginity

As with girls, it is often believed that a boy's virginity disappears the moment he has vaginal penetration. But boys can also choose to try sex in other forms. And if virginity is associated with lack of sexual experience, such experience may mean that the boy is no longer a virgin even if no penetrative act has taken place.

There is also a physical approach, whereby boys' virginity is associated with the foreskin. But in the end, virginity is a subjective detail and this applies to both girls and boys.

Preputial frenulum - What is it?

Also known colloquially as the "penis string", the frenum is an elastic piece of tissue that lies below the glans penis and connects its lower part to the lower foreskin. It is a thin strip that allows the foreskin to be retracted.

In terms of virginity, we could consider the frenum of the penis in boys to be the equivalent of the hymen in girls. Because like the hymen, the frenum usually breaks during the first sexual acts, especially if it is very short.

Thus, boys also face the preconception that they are no longer virgins if the brake has broken. But the truth is that it can break for a lot of reasons, including spontaneously. It can also break due to stretching during masturbation.

Debauchery and the emotional impact

First sexual contact is a special and memorable moment for both girls and boys. Most of the time, it is loaded with emotions and expectations that are sometimes not realistic, especially in adolescence.

Curiosity, desire, restlessness, excitement, are all normal states regarding the first time, and so is the desire for a pleasurable experience, perhaps even the first orgasm. But it's important that in addition to all this, you also have realistic expectations.

In girls, the first contact may not be so pleasant, because breaking the hymen can be painful and, in about 50% of cases, accompanied by bleeding, especially if it is rigid. For boys, strong emotions can prevent an erection or cause premature ejaculation.

The first sexual act is often not the most pleasant. All of these things are normal, and you should be aware of them beforehand. Otherwise, you might be disappointed, feel rejected, or not want to have sex again, precisely because the first time has such a strong emotional impact.

That's why it's recommended that when you do it for the first time, it's not just physical contact and that's it. But you and your partner should be emotionally involved and want a beautiful and pleasant experience.

Contraceptive and protective measures for the moment of the first sexual act

From the moment you have sex for the first time, it is essential to be aware of the risks you are exposing yourself to. Whether you're a virgin or not, any sexual contact ‒ including the first ‒ can result in pregnancy or contact with a sexually transmitted disease if the partner is infected. So it's important that you, and your partner, protect yourself from the first intimate contact.

The condom is one of the most convenient methods and prevents both pregnancy and disease transmission. But there are many other contraceptive methods by which you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy, and I told you HERE about each one, how it works and how effective it is. One of them is the birth control pill , but it also does not protect you from sexually transmitted infections. Next you will need a barrier method to prevent infection.

If you still happen to have unprotected sex, don't panic. The morning-after pill is a method of emergency contraception, designed precisely to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in such unforeseen situations.

Instead, it is NOT a long-term solution and contrary to some myths about the morning-after pill , one dose does not protect you for an entire menstrual cycle, but only for a single contact. It also does not prevent infection with sexually transmitted diseases. So use it only in emergency cases to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, then choose another method of protection.

Myths about divorce

At the top of the list of myths about virginity in girls is, without a doubt, the one according to which "If your hymen is not intact, it means you are no longer a virgin".

As I said above, anatomically no hymen is intact, it is not a seal, and since birth there are one or more openings that continue to enlarge. In addition, the hymen can be perforated as a result of perfectly normal activities, so it is by no means a sign of virginity or unvirginity.

But in addition to this, look at what other myths circulate about virginity:

• "Bleeding after intercourse means you were a virgin": the myth is based on the idea that hymen perforation is accompanied by bleeding. It is false, because every hymen is unique. According to statistics, bleeding occurs only in 50% of cases. There are also hymens that are very elastic, so they don't puncture and bleed at the first sexual contacts, but only at the third or later, so it's not related to virginity.
• "Using tampons can lead to virginity": virginity is about sexual experience, while tampons are about menstrual care. Yes, it may stretch the hymen a bit, but this does not affect your virginity. Menstruation and using tampons have no sexual connotation, so it is impossible to stop being a virgin just because you used a tampon.
• "The doctor can determine whether or not you are still a virgin and can issue a certificate of virginity": virginity is not a real medical condition, and this practice has been banned both by the UN and in Romania. The doctor cannot determine by just examining the hymen whether a young woman has started her sexual life, and this practice is intrusive, unfounded and can have a negative psychological impact.
• "Your partner will know if you were a virgin or not": if a specialist doctor can't determine this, how can your partner? Virginity is personal information and no one but you can know what sexual experiences you have had.
• Your hips will widen after virginity': there is no connection between starting sex and changing body shapes. Growing breasts, hips and any other anatomical changes are normal during puberty and influenced by many factors, but virginity is not one.

Frequently asked questions about losing your virginity

We know, you have heard and hear a lot about virginity, from all sides. Myths, tips, rumors, divided opinions. All these things can lead to confusion and we're sure you still have a lot of questions. Below we will answer the most frequent dilemmas about first sexual contact:

How painful is the first sexual experience?

Every experience is unique. The first sexual experience can be painful, pleasurable, or a combination of the two. Pain and bleeding may occur especially if the hymen stretches and perforates.

It's normal to feel some level of discomfort. However, if the pain is intense, communicate with your partner. There is no shame in slowing down or stopping. There are many reasons why you may feel pain during sex, other than hymen stretching, so also read our article HERE to see what other causes there may be.

Is there a "right" age at which you should lose your virginity?

There is no "ideal" age at which you "must" give up your virginity. Each person decides when they are ready, and first sexual contact should only happen when and if you want to. Some people choose never to lose their virginity, and that decision is perfectly fine.

What is consent for first sexual contact and why is it important?

Consent is an agreement of will between the two partners who will have sexual contact. Basically, it means they both want it. It is very important that this consent is clearly communicated and expressed verbally, so that there is no uncertainty about the consent of the partners, and that the boundaries of each are understood and respected.

Is the first sexual experience followed by bleeding?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. In some girls, perforation and stretching of the hymen may be accompanied by bleeding during the first sexual intercourse. Other girls are born with a very elastic hymen, or almost non-existent, and it is normal for them not to bleed during the first sexual experience.

How will you feel after having sex for the first time?

Physically, you may feel a little discomfort after the first sexual contact. But there are also girls who enjoy a pleasant, pain-free experience.

As for the psychological effects, the first experience has a strong impact and it is said that you will never forget it. That's exactly why it's important to do it with the right person, with whom you feel safe and have an emotional connection.

Can you get pregnant after first intercourse?

Yes, any unprotected sexual contact can lead to pregnancy. So always protect yourself, whether with a condom, birth control pills or other contraceptive methods.