Are we agreeing from the start that there is no such thing as the perfect recipe for sexual foreplay? Like any other recipe, this one is also adapted according to each person's preferences. That you need a few minutes or tens of minutes, that it starts long before you get to the bedroom or directly to the bed, that it involves sex toys or not, all these things differ for every couple.

It is certain that the purpose of foreplay is to induce arousal and prepare your body for sexual intercourse. Which obviously happens differently for every woman. It is also certain that foreplay is very important, and that there is a possibility that sex will not feel as good and comfortable, both physically and emotionally, without it. So let's talk about what it is, why we need it and how sexual foreplay works.

What is sexual foreplay?

Any type of sexual activity you have with your partner before intercourse, any type of erotic stimulation that precedes penetration, can be considered sexual prelude.

In essence, it is any activity that brings you closer and helps you to connect physically, but especially psychologically and emotionally with your partner, in order to prepare for the next stage. How it works and what some of these foreplay activities are, we'll talk about right away.

It does not mean that foreplay must necessarily lead to sexual contact with penetration, but to better understand what it refers to, you can look at it as a kind of "warm-up", before the main activity.

Why sexual foreplay is important

Because it involves a series of stimuli, both physical and psychological, foreplay triggers responses - again, on both levels: physical and psychological - in both partners' bodies. These responses are what help you relax, feel more comfortable in each other's presence, and reach the state of arousal so that sexual activity is and feels as pleasurable as possible.

Psychological

First, sexual foreplay helps build emotional intimacy. You connect better with your partner, you feel closer to him, and the intensity of inhibitions decreases. And because foreplay often begins outside the bedroom, and sexual tension builds before it reaches touching and physical contact, foreplay can even help you strengthen your connection with your partner outside of the intimate context.

At the same time, the more tense and focused you are on other issues, the less you will be able to enjoy the sensations and stimuli during sexual intercourse. So psychologically, one of the purposes of foreplay is to help you shift your focus to pleasure and your mindset to intimacy. Basically, being present in the present moment and really enjoying what you're doing with your partner.

Physical

As nice and exciting as spontaneous sex sounds, it might not be a good idea in the long run if you're always skipping foreplay and missing the opportunity to prepare for what's to come. This is because the foreplay triggers reactions on a physical level as well, important for the pleasant performance of the act - especially with sexual penetration.

In short, during foreplay, intimate areas become comfortable with touching so that they feel good, thanks to reactions such as:

• increased heart rate and pulse
• dilation of blood vessels, including at the level of the genital organs
• increasing blood flow to the genitals
• the natural lubrication of the vagina, which prevents pain and can make intercourse more pleasant
• release of feel-good hormones (serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin)

How sexual foreplay works in a relationship

Different, that would be the short answer. Specifically, foreplay works differently for each relationship because each person likes different things and each may enjoy different activities or ideas more or less.

That's why you should never assume that you know exactly what your partner likes, no matter how many other experiences you have. At the same time, you shouldn't expect your partner to simply know exactly what you like and don't like. It's a pressure that hinders rather than helps you enjoy intimacy. The type and intensity of touches, erogenous zones, the presence or absence of words, toys, etc., all these preferences differ from person to person and cannot simply be guessed.

This is why open communication is always a good idea: to discuss with your partner beforehand what works for you and what doesn't, what you want and what you don't. It is equally important to listen to his wishes and finally reach a common ground so that everything is comfortable and pleasant for both partners.

How long should foreplay last?

If we look at the studies, the statistics indicate somewhere around 11 minutes for men and 13 minutes for women. But how realistic is this duration when you relate to your own needs?

Because every foreplay is different depending on the relationship and partners, so is its duration. It is not an exact ceremony or ritual that must start at X time and end at Y time according to a schedule. On the contrary, when the focus is on pleasure and savoring the experience, the notion of time almost disappears.

So maybe for one couple, the ideal foreplay lasts at least 30 minutes, while for another relationship an hour is preferred, and for another, no more than 10 minutes. In fact, the length of foreplay can vary even within the same relationship, before each intercourse, depending on how long your bodies need to build up your desire and feel ready.

Men and sexual foreplay

Contrary to popular opinion, men need foreplay too. And they have daily concerns, and they deal with daily stress, and they can have their focus elsewhere. And psychologically, foreplay can also help them shift their focus to the present moment and to more sensual activities.

Indeed, men respond to visual stimuli and tend to achieve arousal faster, including enjoying intercourse and climax in a shorter time, while women may need more time for the whole process.

But that's not the rule, and pre-sex stimulation can also prepare him to feel more comfortable with an erection, shed his inhibitions, and feel more pleasure when it comes to sex. Moreover, foreplay can even have an impact on the amount of seminal fluid during ejaculation.

Women and sexual foreplay

As I said, men can think about sex or see a sensual image, and they can already get an erection. This rapid arousal, although possible, is less likely in women.

In general, women need a longer period of time to prepare both their bodies and minds for sex. To reach the level of arousal necessary for sexual intercourse to feel good and orgasm to be achieved. That's why foreplay can sometimes be more important and special for you than for your partner.

Plus, physically, foreplay is all the more important for women because it helps to naturally lubricate the vagina. Not only does this increase comfort and pleasure during intercourse, but without lubrication, penetration of a dry vagina can be uncomfortable, painful, and can cause small lesions inside the vagina, subsequently increasing the risk of infection.

How to experience sexual foreplay with your partner

Sexual foreplay looks different for different relationships. It can encompass equally erotic and non-erotic activities and can range from flirting, kissing and touching, to role-plays and psychological games.

So depending on your interests and preferences, foreplay can mean various things like:

Ask your partner to dance

Even more so to one that helps you get closer on a physical level. Dancing is an excellent way to make a harmonious transition from a non-erotic activity to intimate touching. Slow or Latin dances can heat up the atmosphere quite a bit because they involve constant physical contact.

Give your partner a sensual massage

Or vice versa, to receive a massage from your partner. You can even use special oils to help you relax. Through massage with sensual touches, specialists claim that a deeper connection can be achieved in the couple. In addition, the blood gets moving, the body warms up and calms down, and the state of arousal gradually sets in and prepares you for intercourse.

Talk to your partner about your sexual desires

As we told you above, discussions with your partner are the key to a foreplay and a pleasant sexual experience. Instead of letting your friend fumble around in the dark trying to guess what you expect them to know, tell them yourself and help them find out what you want, what you like, and what you'd like to experience with them.

It's frustrating for both of you to waste time on things you don't like, and open communication will help you get to know each other better and grow even closer.

Take a bath or shower together

Showers or baths together can be a great way to bond or reconnect. While the warm water helps relax your muscles, the intimacy and vulnerability of the shower/bath can bring you closer to each other, both physically and emotionally.

To turn this experience into foreplay, it may be a good idea to light scented candles or play some romantic music in the background. Thus, prepare the atmosphere for the following sensual activities, such as a massage to continue the foreplay if you want a prolonged one with your partner, or even the sexual contact itself.

What is NOT a good idea is using bubble baths or scented shower gels. No matter how good it looks and no matter how tempting it is, there is also the possibility that just such a substance will ruin all your plans. Because perfumes and parabens or other chemicals that may be in the composition of these products can cause allergic reactions in the intimate area, including itching, redness or irritation. And instead of focusing on pleasure and touch, the focus will be on discomfort and finding a solution.

If you want to use a shower gel, we always recommend choosing a natural one, such as Enroush intimate gel . It is made with 95% natural ingredients and contains no fragrances or other chemicals, so that your vaginal pH is safe and your intimate balance remains intact.

Watch a movie together

Any movie. When the sexual intent and tension is there, you can find an opportunity for things to take a romantic turn regardless of the genre of the film.

Sure, a romantic or erotic movie can set the mood faster and more appropriately, but even other genres can give you the opportunity to get closer to your partner, combined with more adrenaline.

In a suspenseful/thriller/horror movie, for example, you can hide in each other's embrace, using the tense scenes to get physically close. In a sci-fi/fantasy movie you can let your imagination run wild to explore new ideas.

And finally, whatever the theme or genre, you can simply relax, disconnect from other worries or concerns, and turn your attention to the present moment and your partner.

Explore toys and activities

Going back to the basic purpose of foreplay, it's about increasing your sex drive and helping you reach a state of natural arousal and lubrication. Because of their potential to stimulate your erogenous zones, sex toys and other sex activities can be a real ally for couples during foreplay.

Although they are associated with masturbation, toys can be used for the pleasure of both partners and can further ignite the passion of both, as you discover new sensations and experiences together. So explore with a vibrator set on low while you kiss, or a roleplay you've never tried before, to see what works as foreplay and what turns you on.

What effects does sexual foreplay have on the relationship

I already told you above how foreplay works in a relationship on a physical and psychological level. By bringing the partners closer on an intimate level, its effects are that:

• strengthens the connection of the partners in the couple relationship;
• helps partners get to know themselves and the other better;
• increases the pleasure of both partners during sexual intercourse and, implicitly, satisfaction in the couple;
• triggers the secretion of hormones that make your connections even stronger (kissing, for example, leads to the release of serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin, the feel-good hormones that reduce stress and disconnect you from everyday stress to focus on your feel good).

That's why sexologists recommend that couples don't skip foreplay even when they have a little time. Although sometimes it can be okay, it is recommended that giving up at this stage does not become a habit in the relationship, because the partners lose the opportunity to keep their closeness on a psychological level.

Myths about sexual foreplay

And to make our discussion of foreplay complete, we will now conclude by dispelling some of the most common myths we hear about this topic:

• "Partners who refuse foreplay do it out of laziness or selfishness": it's a serious accusation or even a type of shaming and most of the time it doesn't reflect reality. The truth is that lack of confidence or sexual experience is much more likely to be the reason why a partner does not consider foreplay. So a better idea than labeling would be to discuss this in a positive and non-judgmental way, especially if for you this is an important aspect and an essential step in helping you have an orgasm.
• " Sex should be relaxed and not require any effort, therefore foreplay is unnecessary ": foreplay is useful, and this is because it helps maintain intimacy and connection between partners even when various challenges or problems arise in life.
• " Foreplay must last at least 30 minutes": any "rule " that refers to the ideal length of time for a foreplay is a myth. Different couples at different times in their lives will need different amounts of time for foreplay. Every sensual experience is unique and there is no fixed perfect duration.
• " Men don't need or want foreplay ": touching and sensuality aren't just for women, and many men prefer some type of physical and/or psychological stimulation before they get an erection and begin intercourse.

Taking everything we've talked about so far into account, relate everything to your relationship and be open in discussion and exploration with your partner until you find the right dynamic for you.

And remember that the only rule that exists and applies in any foreplay or sexual activity, every time, is consent. When it is expressed on both sides, there is no other limit and you can give free rein to your creativity and desires to enjoy pleasure and intimacy together.